When Reporting Makes You the Problem: One Officer's Fight to Stay

FREE Critical Incident Recovery Protocol
Episode 014:
This episode dives deep into a tough but critical topic: the reality of facing assault from within the ranks. We're talking about Jessica Ramirez, a rookie officer who found herself in a nightmare scenario with her field training officer. Instead of letting that betrayal crush her spirit, Jess turned her pain into purpose, fighting to create change in a system that often silences victims. We’ll break down what it takes to report an assault, how to navigate the fallout, and why resilience isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a vital skill for survival on the job. If you’ve ever felt like you’re battling alone, trust me, this episode’s for you. Key takeaways: - Reporting doesn't make you a traitor; it takes real guts. - Building resilience is about survival, not therapy. - Peer support can change the game for struggling officers. - Jess's journey shows the power of turning trauma into advocacy. Episode highlights: - Jess's story of assault and survival (0:00) - The breakdown of the culture around reporting (10:00) - The creation of a new role for assault response (20:00) Resources mentioned: - PR6 assessment tool for resilience - Links to RFA certification for peer support training Don’t forget to check out the free PR6 assessment at policespeak.org/pr6!
Nobody signs up for this job thinking they'll get blindsided by betrayal, especially not by someone who's supposed to have their back. Jess Ramirez's experience as a rookie cop-turned-FTO nightmare is a wake-up call for all of us. In this episode, we dive deep into what happens when the system fails you and how Jess turned her trauma into a mission to help others. She didn't just survive; she fought for change, creating a role within her department that didn’t exist before—the Sexual Harassment and Assault Response Liaison. It’s about resilience, operational readiness, and making sure no officer feels alone in their fight. This isn't just a story; it's a rallying cry for law enforcement to stand together against misconduct and support each other on the streets and in the station. Jess's story isn't just hers; it's a reflection of the struggles many officers face but often keep quiet about. When you report an assault, it feels like you’re stepping into a minefield, and Jess shares the painful reality of that experience—the isolation, the whispers, and the struggle to maintain your identity as a cop. But through her journey, she also highlights the importance of having a supportive community and the need for actionable resilience skills that can be implemented right from the start. From understanding the PR6 model to practical peer support, this episode emphasizes that resilience is not just about bouncing back; it's about building a system that protects us all. By the end of this episode, you’ll know how to recognize the signs of distress in your partners and yourself. You’ll understand that staying in law enforcement after trauma isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a testament to your strength. Jess has shown us all that while trauma changes us, it doesn't have to define us. With a little help, we can turn our experiences into powerful tools for change. So grab your coffee, settle in, and let’s get into it—because every officer deserves support, and every story deserves to be heard.
Takeaways:
- Officers need to build resilience skills to handle the tough calls we face daily; it's not therapy, it's survival.
- Reporting an assault in law enforcement can feel like a career suicide, but it's a necessary step for integrity.
- Jess's story shows us how the system often fails those who report; we need to change this together.
- Peer support in the department could prevent isolation and help officers recognize when a partner is struggling.
- Don't wait until you're drowning in stress; start building your resilience toolbox now with practical skills.
FREE Critical Incident Recovery Protocol
Resources for Officers
If you or someone you know is struggling, help is available. These trauma-informed resources are confidential, available 24/7, and staffed by people who understand the unique challenges of law enforcement.
COPLINE
Phone: 1-800-267-5463 (1-800-COPLINE)
Website: www.copline.org
COPLINE is a confidential 24/7 hotline exclusively for current and retired law enforcement officers and their families. All calls are answered by trained, retired law enforcement officers who understand the job and provide peer support for any issue—from daily stressors to full mental health crises. Your anonymity is guaranteed. COPLINE is not affiliated with any police department or agency, and listeners will not notify anyone without your explicit consent.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Phone: Call or text 988
Online Chat: www.988lifeline.org
Veterans: Press 1 after dialing 988
The 988 Lifeline provides free, confidential support 24/7/365 for anyone experiencing emotional distress, mental health struggles, or thoughts of suicide. Trained crisis counselors are available by phone, text, or online chat to provide compassionate, judgment-free support. You don't need to be in crisis to reach out—988 is here for anyone who needs someone to talk to.
Safe Call Now
Phone: 206-459-3020
Website: www.safecallnowusa.org
Safe Call Now is a confidential, comprehensive 24-hour crisis referral service designed specifically for all public safety employees, emergency services personnel, and their family members nationwide. Founded by a former law enforcement officer, Safe Call Now is staffed by peer advocates who are first responders themselves and understand the unique demands of the job. They provide crisis intervention and connect callers with appropriate treatment resources while maintaining complete confidentiality.
Remember: Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve support, and these resources are here for you.
Mentioned in this episode:
Share Your Story
Click the link and start the process of sharing your story.
00:00 - Untitled
00:29 - Jess Ramirez: Breaking Barriers
01:22 - The Assault and Its Aftermath
08:14 - The Turning Point: Reporting the Assault
20:10 - Jess's Decision Point
26:07 - Rebuilding Identity: Jess's Journey Through Therapy
31:06 - Resilience and Recovery: Jess's Journey
33:25 - Jessica Ramirez: A Story of Resilience and Advocacy
Foreign.
Speaker AField training starts tomorrow.
Speaker AJess Ramirez had made it this far, first in her family to finish college, first Mexican American woman in her academy class to pass the physical standards.
Speaker AChallenges without special accommodation, the one some instructors seemed to design specifically to wash out female recruits.
Speaker AShe'd proven herself on the range, on the mat in the classroom.
Speaker ATomorrow she'd ride with her field training officer, learn the job from someone with years of street experience.
Speaker AShe was ready.
Speaker ANobody tells you that your FTO might assault you.
Speaker AThat's not in the manual.
Speaker AJess found out anyway.
Speaker ANot on the street.
Speaker ANot during some chaotic call in his patrol car, during her second week of training, when she was supposed to be learning how to be a cop.
Speaker AThis episode is about what happened next.
Speaker ANot just the assault, not just the investigation, but what it takes to report an officer when you're still a rookie, what it costs to stay in law enforcement after the system fails you, and how one woman turned the worst betrayal she could imagine into a mission to make sure no other officer faces this alone.
Speaker AWe've been in your shoes.
Speaker ALying awake at 3am replaying that call over and over again, feeling hypervigilant at the grocery store, watching peers struggle and not knowing what to say.
Speaker APolice Speak was created by officers tired of seeing good people break down.
Speaker AWe understand the job because we've lived it and we've processed what you're experiencing.
Speaker AYou'll hear stories about what's worked after difficult calls.
Speaker AA framework that outlines your resilience across six key areas.
Speaker AWe provide peer support, skills you can use starting tomorrow.
Speaker ABuild resilience before adversity overwhelms it.
Speaker AOfficers teaching officers.
Speaker AContent WARNING this episode discusses sexual assault by a law enforcement officer, workplace harassment, institutional betrayal, and investigation processes.
Speaker AResources are in the show.
Speaker ANotes if you're in crisis, reach out to the National Sexual assault hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE BEFORE LISTENING.
Speaker ATake care of yourself.
Speaker AI'm Michael Simpkins, and this is Police Speak, where we explore law enforcement trauma, resilience and the courage it takes to heal.
Speaker AToday's episode deals with sexual assault by a law enforcement officer and the institutional betrayal that often follows.
Speaker AThis is Jessica's story, but it's also the story that too many officers, especially women, carry in silence.
Speaker AIf you've experienced harassment or assault within law enforcement, I want you to know reporting doesn't make you a traitor to the blue.
Speaker AStaying doesn't make you weak, and healing doesn't mean forgetting.
Speaker AJess is 27 years old now, five years on the job if you count academy time, where this all Started.
Speaker AShe's a patrol officer in a large Southwest department.
Speaker AShe's also something else.
Speaker AThe department's sexual harassment and assault response liaison.
Speaker AA position that didn't exist before.
Speaker AShe fought for it.
Speaker AHer badge says Officer Ramirez.
Speaker ABut she earned that badge twice.
Speaker AOnce when she graduated academy, and again when she refused to let one predator take it from her.
Speaker AThis is about the resilience it takes to stay when everything in you screams to run.
Speaker AAnd what it means to transform trauma into systemic change.
Speaker APhoenix in August is brutal.
Speaker AHeat that makes asphalt shimmer.
Speaker APatrol cars feel like ovens.
Speaker AJessica Ramirez grew up with that heat.
Speaker ASouth Mountain area, Working class, Mexican American family.
Speaker AYoungest of three kids.
Speaker AHer older brothers went into construction.
Speaker AGood work, solid money.
Speaker ABut Jess wanted something different.
Speaker BI wanted to help people.
Speaker BYeah, I know how that sounds, believe me.
Speaker BBut like growing up, the cops who showed up to our neighborhood, some were good, some weren't.
Speaker BYou know, the good ones, they totally made a difference.
Speaker BI wanted to be one of them.
Speaker BSpecially for families like mine, you know?
Speaker AFirst generation college student, criminal justice degree from Arizona State.
Speaker AStudent loans, she's still paying off.
Speaker AShe had the degree and the determination, the easy path that she didn't have.
Speaker AThe academy's physical standards were brutal by design.
Speaker APush ups, pull ups, mile and a half run, obstacle course, defensive tactics, mat work.
Speaker ASome instructors seemed to add extra scrutiny to female recruits.
Speaker AEspecially if you were Latina.
Speaker AEspecially if you were first generation anything.
Speaker AJess wasn't the fastest runner, but she was tenacious.
Speaker BPT every morning.
Speaker BThis one instructor.
Speaker BYou sure you're in the right place, Ramirez?
Speaker BMaybe try dispatch.
Speaker BI just do another rep. That's the deal.
Speaker AWhen you're the first of anything, your mistakes aren't individual.
Speaker AThey represent all women, all Latinas, all working class kids who don't fit the mold that pressure shapes everything you do.
Speaker ABy month four, Jess was holding her own.
Speaker ADecent grades, solid tactical performance, no disciplinary issues.
Speaker AShe made a few friends.
Speaker ANot close.
Speaker AAcademy competition doesn't allow much vulnerability, but friendly enough.
Speaker AThen FTO assignments came out.
Speaker AEvery rookie looks at that assignment with hope and terror.
Speaker AYour FTO can make or break your career.
Speaker AA good one teaches you the job, covers your mistakes and helps you develop instincts.
Speaker AA bad one can bury you with shit reviews, set you up to fail, or just make every day miserable.
Speaker AJust got assigned to Officer Derek Martin.
Speaker AFifteen years on the job, decent reputation.
Speaker ANot exceptional, not problematic.
Speaker ANo red flags.
Speaker AShe was cautiously optimistic.
Speaker BSo, like, my first day riding with him was fine, you know, professional.
Speaker BHe explained.
Speaker BThe district, showed me all the hotspots, even let Me drive some, I thought.
Speaker BOkay, I got lucky.
Speaker BThis guy's solid.
Speaker AWeek one was uneventful.
Speaker ARoutine calls, traffic stops, report writing.
Speaker AMartin was patient with rookie mistakes.
Speaker ACorrected her without being a dick about it.
Speaker AWeek two started the same way.
Speaker APredators in positions of power build trust first.
Speaker ATest boundaries, isolate targets.
Speaker AMartin had done this before.
Speaker AJess didn't know it yet.
Speaker ATuesday of week two, evening shift.
Speaker AThey just cleared a domestic.
Speaker AVerbal argument.
Speaker ANo arrests.
Speaker AEverybody separated and calmed down.
Speaker AMartin suggested grabbing food.
Speaker AThe taco shop near South Mountain is one he likes.
Speaker AJess agrees.
Speaker AShe's hungry.
Speaker AShe knows the place.
Speaker AIt's near her old neighborhood.
Speaker AFeels normal.
Speaker AThey eat, they talk.
Speaker AHe asks about her family, her background, and why she wanted to be a cop.
Speaker AShe shares carefully.
Speaker ANot too personal, but enough to be cordial.
Speaker AAfterward, they head back to the car.
Speaker AThat's when everything changed.
Speaker AI'm going to be direct about what happened next.
Speaker AThat's what Jess requested.
Speaker AShe doesn't need her assault described dramatically.
Speaker AShe needs it acknowledged as fact.
Speaker ADerek Martin sexually assaulted Jess in his patrol car in the parking lot behind that taco shop.
Speaker AShe was four months into her training.
Speaker AShe was his student.
Speaker AShe was 25 years old.
Speaker AWhat she did next is what this story is really about.
Speaker AShe told him to stop.
Speaker AHe didn't.
Speaker AWhen he finally did stop, she got out of the car, stood in that parking lot in uniform, wearing a badge that didn't feel like hers anymore, and made a decision.
Speaker AShe could report it or stay silent.
Speaker BI knew what reporting meant.
Speaker BYou know, investigation, everyone knowing.
Speaker BTraining slot gone.
Speaker BAnd no guarantee anything happens to him either.
Speaker BI knew all that.
Speaker AThose calculations happen fast when you're standing in a parking lot deciding if your career is already over.
Speaker ABut Jess had grown up watching her father work construction in Phoenix.
Speaker ASummers.
Speaker A80 hour weeks, bad back, minimal benefits.
Speaker AHe'd told her when she got into the academy.
Speaker AMiha, you made it out.
Speaker ADon't let anyone take this from you.
Speaker AShe wasn't going to let Derek Martin take this from her.
Speaker BGot back in the car, told him I was reporting this.
Speaker BHe just laughed.
Speaker BSaid no one would believe me.
Speaker AThey drove back to the station in silence, reporting Met walking into hell.
Speaker AHere's why.
Speaker AIn law enforcement culture, there's an unwritten rule you don't rat out another cop.
Speaker AThe blue wall, the brotherhood, whatever you want to call it, that code exists for a reason.
Speaker AOfficers depend on backup.
Speaker ATrust is everything.
Speaker ABut that same code can protect predators.
Speaker AWhen the person who assaults you is wearing the same badge you're trying to earn, reporting them means choosing between your career and your integrity.
Speaker AMost people stay silent.
Speaker AJess knew this.
Speaker AReported anyway.
Speaker AWithin 48 hours of the assault, she'd given a formal statement to Internal Affairs.
Speaker AThe investigation began and her life became hell.
Speaker AThe investigation took four months.
Speaker AJess's FTO training suspended.
Speaker AShe couldn't ride with another FTO because the investigation was ongoing.
Speaker ACouldn't progress with her fellow recruits.
Speaker AJust waited while everyone else moved forward.
Speaker AAnd everyone knew.
Speaker BAh.
Speaker BThe worst part, like, wasn't even the investigation meetings, you know, it was just walking into the station, feeling everyone's eyes on me, like a spotlight.
Speaker BSome officers wouldn't even look at me at all.
Speaker BSome would just stare and like, a few would ask if I was okay.
Speaker BQuietly, of course, when no one else was around.
Speaker BBut most people, they just totally avoided me.
Speaker AWhen you report an officer for sexual assault, you become the problem, not the officer who committed the assault.
Speaker AYou.
Speaker ABecause now there's paperwork, now there's an investigation, now internal affairs is asking questions.
Speaker ANow the department has to deal with something uncomfortable.
Speaker AAnd in cop culture, making problems visible is worse than the problem itself.
Speaker AJess's classmates started excluding her.
Speaker ANot overtly, just forgotten to text about study groups.
Speaker AWhen she'd show up to the station for mandated check ins, conversations would stop when she walked in.
Speaker ASome of it was awkward uncertainty.
Speaker APeople didn't know what to say.
Speaker ABut some was deliberate isolation.
Speaker BI had this one guy from my class, we'd actually been friendly, even studied together.
Speaker BAnd he like straight up told me to drop the complaint.
Speaker BHe said Martin was a good cop.
Speaker BSaid I was like totally ruining his career over nothing.
Speaker BI mean, I just asked him if you'd even been there.
Speaker BHe said no.
Speaker BSo I was like, then just shut the fuck up.
Speaker AThat's Jess.
Speaker ADirect, sharp when she needs to be.
Speaker ABut that interaction cost her.
Speaker AWord spread that she was difficult, that she couldn't take feedback, that she was hostile.
Speaker AThe narrative was being written.
Speaker AShe wasn't a hero.
Speaker ADuring those four months, Jess's brain was falling apart.
Speaker AThe PR6 model helps us understand what looked like resilience from the outside, but felt like drowning inside.
Speaker AVision domain was first to crack.
Speaker AVision, your ability to imagine a positive future, set goals.
Speaker ASee yourself getting through this depends on your hippocampus and prefrontal cortex working together to imagine what might happen next.
Speaker AWhen trauma hits, especially sustained trauma, like a months long investigation where you're publicly blamed and isolated, the hippocampus gets overwhelmed.
Speaker AIt stops being able to process positive outcomes.
Speaker AFor Jess, this showed up gradually.
Speaker AShe stopped talking about post training plans, stopped making plans, period.
Speaker AWhen People asked about career goals, she'd shrug.
Speaker AI'll figure it out.
Speaker AThat's not ambivalence.
Speaker AThat's a brain that can't imagine making it through.
Speaker BI just stopped being able to picture myself as a cop.
Speaker BYou know, I'd see other officers in uniform and just think, ugh, that's so not gonna be me.
Speaker BI didn't decide to quit.
Speaker BNot really.
Speaker BIt's more like I just couldn't see myself continuing.
Speaker BThere's like, a big difference, you know?
Speaker AYour ability to trust others, ask for help, maintain relationships.
Speaker AThat depends on brain systems that process social information and trust signals.
Speaker AWhen you've been betrayed by the training system, when your peers isolate you, when reporting assault makes you the outcast, those processing systems shut down.
Speaker AIt's not a choice to isolate.
Speaker AIt's your brain protecting you from further harm.
Speaker ABy cutting off trust, Jess stopped reaching out, stopped answering texts unless required.
Speaker AWhen investigators asked if she had support, she said yes.
Speaker AShe was lying.
Speaker BMom kept calling.
Speaker BI'd say, I'm fine, just busy.
Speaker BShe totally didn't believe me.
Speaker BBut, like, what do you even say?
Speaker BOh, my FTO assaulted me.
Speaker BEveryone hates me.
Speaker BI'm fine.
Speaker BNo, you just.
Speaker BYou don't do that to your family.
Speaker AThat's cultural context.
Speaker AIn Mexican American families, especially working class families, you don't dump your problems on parents who already carry too much.
Speaker AYou figure it out.
Speaker AYou handle your business.
Speaker ASo Jess was isolated at work and couldn't be honest at home.
Speaker ATextbook Collaboration.
Speaker ADomain failure.
Speaker AComposure.
Speaker ADomain.
Speaker AYour ability to regulate emotions and manage stress was hanging by a thread.
Speaker AThe insula, the brain region that reads your internal state like a dashboard, was overloaded.
Speaker AJess couldn't catch her stress response early anymore.
Speaker AShe'd go from calm to furious in seconds.
Speaker BI totally snapped at an IA investigator over nothing.
Speaker BHe asked me to repeat something I'd already told him, like, twice.
Speaker BI just lost it.
Speaker BI started yelling about how if they'd actually listened the first time, we wouldn't be in month three of this total bullshit.
Speaker BMy hands were shaking for real.
Speaker BI had to leave the room.
Speaker AHer nervous system couldn't regulate itself anymore.
Speaker AMonths overwhelmed will do that.
Speaker AHealth domain, the foundation everything else sits on was deteriorating.
Speaker ASleep went first, maybe four hours a night, usually broken by nightmares or intrusive memories.
Speaker AWhen you're not sleeping, your brain can't produce adequate bdnf.
Speaker ABrain derived neurotrophic factor.
Speaker AThat's the protein that allows your brain to heal from trauma and build new connections.
Speaker AWithout sleep, without bdnf, every other resilience domain becomes harder to maintain.
Speaker AShe stopped working out.
Speaker AThe gym had been her stress relief.
Speaker ANow she couldn't force herself.
Speaker AToo many department officers there.
Speaker AToo many.
Speaker AToo many stairs.
Speaker AFast food, most meals, because cooking felt like too much effort.
Speaker ALost 15 pounds in two months.
Speaker ANot healthy.
Speaker AWeight loss, stress related decline.
Speaker BI looked in the mirror one morning and I swear I didn't even recognize myself.
Speaker BI looked like I'd been through a war, you know?
Speaker BI guess I had.
Speaker AMonth four of the investigation, something shifted.
Speaker AThe department completed its internal review, interviewed Martin, interviewed Jess multiple times.
Speaker AInterviewed officers who'd worked with Martin, reviewed his training records, and checked past FTO evaluations.
Speaker AThey found a pattern.
Speaker AJess wasn't his first victim.
Speaker AShe was the first to report.
Speaker ATwo other female officers had experienced harassment from Martin.
Speaker ANot assault, but boundary violations.
Speaker AInappropriate comments.
Speaker ABoth had left law enforcement quietly.
Speaker AOne filed an informal complaint that went nowhere.
Speaker AThe other just disappeared from academy rosters.
Speaker AThe investigators did their job.
Speaker AThey sustained the allegations.
Speaker ADerek Martin was fired.
Speaker ACriminal charges filed.
Speaker AHe eventually pled guilty to avoid trial.
Speaker AGot probation, lost his certification.
Speaker AWill never work in law enforcement again.
Speaker AYou know what Jess felt when she heard that news?
Speaker ANot relief, not vindication.
Speaker AExhausted.
Speaker AThat's it.
Speaker BEveryone kept saying, you won.
Speaker BLike this was, you know, victory.
Speaker BBut I didn't feel like I won.
Speaker BI felt like I survived.
Speaker BAnd there's, like, a difference.
Speaker AWinning the investigation didn't undo anything.
Speaker AFour months, still gone.
Speaker ARelationship still broken, trauma still there.
Speaker AIt just meant she could move forward if she still wanted to.
Speaker AJess had a decision to make.
Speaker AQuit.
Speaker AWalk away.
Speaker ANo one would blame her.
Speaker AShe'd proven her point.
Speaker AShe'd gotten justice.
Speaker AShe could go back to school, get a different degree and find a different path.
Speaker AOr finish training.
Speaker BOh, my dad came to visit.
Speaker BAnd, like, he didn't even ask what happened.
Speaker BMy mom, of course, already told him the basics.
Speaker BHe just said, miha, whatever you decide, we support you.
Speaker BBut I know you.
Speaker BYou don't quit.
Speaker BAnd if you quit now, you'll regret it.
Speaker BAnd, like, he was totally right.
Speaker AJess told her supervisor she wanted to complete training.
Speaker AThey assigned her a new FTO.
Speaker AFemale officer, 15 years on the job, solid reputation.
Speaker ASpecifically selected because she'd advocated for assault survivors in the department.
Speaker AOfficer Sarah Ricks.
Speaker AShe saved Jess's career.
Speaker BOkay, so, like, first day, Sarah, like, totally laid it out.
Speaker BI know what happened.
Speaker BYou've been through hell.
Speaker BBut you're not fragile.
Speaker BAnd I'm not treating you that way.
Speaker BYou're here to learn.
Speaker BSo let's go do that.
Speaker BIf you need to talk, we'll talk your call.
Speaker AThat directness was exactly what Jess needed.
Speaker ANo pity, no awkwardness, just the job.
Speaker AFor the next three months, Sarah trained Jess the way she should have been trained from the start.
Speaker ATraffic stops, report writing, de escalation tactics, community engagement, how to read a scene, how to trust your gut, how to be a cop.
Speaker BOh, Sarah, she taught me that being a good cop doesn't mean being, like, tough all the time, you know?
Speaker BIt means knowing when to be tough and when to be, like, human.
Speaker BShe'd always tell me.
Speaker BYou don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore, Ramirez.
Speaker BYou already proved it.
Speaker BNow just learn the job.
Speaker AJess completed her training nine months after the assault, Three months later than her original class.
Speaker ABut she graduated.
Speaker AShe earned her badge.
Speaker AEarning your badge doesn't mean you're okay.
Speaker AYear one as a patrol officer was survival node.
Speaker AJess was on the street doing the job, writing reports, responding to calls, and backing up other units.
Speaker AOn paper, functional.
Speaker ABut PTSD doesn't care about your work ethic.
Speaker BYou know, I'd be on a traffic stop, and suddenly my hands would just start shaking.
Speaker BNot because it was dangerous or anything, just because, you know.
Speaker BOr I'd be, like, sitting in the car between calls, and my chest would feel all tight.
Speaker BI couldn't get enough air.
Speaker BPanic attacks, though.
Speaker BI didn't even know that's what they were at first.
Speaker AThis is common for assault survivors and law enforcement.
Speaker AYou can be tactically competent and psychologically struggling at the same time.
Speaker AJess's hypervigilance, useful for officer safety, was cranked to 11.
Speaker ACouldn't turn it off.
Speaker AEvery male officer felt like a potential threat.
Speaker AEvery time she was alone in a car with a supervisor, her body went into fight or flight mode.
Speaker AComposure domain still compromised.
Speaker AThat internal dashboard wasn't giving early warning signals.
Speaker AShe'd be fine.
Speaker AThen a full panic attack with no transition.
Speaker AHer health domain was better than during the investigation, but still struggling.
Speaker ASleeping about five hours a night, better than four.
Speaker ANot enough for her brain to heal properly.
Speaker AShe'd started working out again, which helped.
Speaker AStill avoiding the department gym and collaboration.
Speaker AHer ability to trust and connect with other officers was severely damaged.
Speaker BUgh.
Speaker BI'd show up to shift.
Speaker BLike walking into hostile territory.
Speaker BI mean, some officers were fine, professional, respectful.
Speaker BTreated me like, you know, any other cop.
Speaker BBut others.
Speaker BOh, my God.
Speaker BI could just feel the judgment, the whispers.
Speaker BThat's the one who reported Martin.
Speaker BI just.
Speaker BI hated it.
Speaker AThree months into patrol, Jess's sergeant pulled her aside.
Speaker AHe noticed she was isolating, noticed the weight loss, the tension, the Way she tense up around certain officers.
Speaker AHe recommended she talk to someone.
Speaker BI almost told him to, like, totally get lost.
Speaker BI mean, I just proven I could totally do the job despite everything, and now he's telling me I need therapy.
Speaker BBut, like, he wasn't being a total jerk about it.
Speaker BHe said, ramirez, you're like a solid officer, but carrying this alone is going to break you.
Speaker BLet someone help.
Speaker AJess started therapy two weeks later.
Speaker AHer therapist specialized in trauma, specifically occupational trauma and assault.
Speaker ASurvivors understood the layers Jess was dealing with.
Speaker AThe assault itself, the institutional betrayal.
Speaker AOngoing workplace triggers, cultural pressures.
Speaker AThey did.
Speaker AEmdr.
Speaker AEye movement desensitization and reprocessing.
Speaker ATrauma therapy that helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they're less overwhelming.
Speaker AThe brain science works like this.
Speaker AWhen you experience trauma, the memory gets stored.
Speaker AFragmented, your amygdala.
Speaker AThe brain's threat detection center, keeps that memory tagged as current danger instead of past event.
Speaker ASo every time something reminds you of the trauma, your amygdala acts like it's happening right now.
Speaker AEMDR helps your brain reprocess that memory so it's stored properly as something that happened in the past.
Speaker AThe memory doesn't go away, but it stops feeling like it's happening in the present.
Speaker AFor Jess, this meant she could think about the assault without having a panic attack.
Speaker ACould be in a car with a male officer without her body automatically going into fight or flight.
Speaker AThat's the composure domain.
Speaker AStarting to rebuild her insula.
Speaker ALearning to differentiate between actual threats and trauma reminders.
Speaker ABut therapy wasn't just about the assault.
Speaker AIt was about rebuilding her identity as an officer.
Speaker BMy therapist, she asked me, who'd you want to be when you became a cop?
Speaker BAnd, like.
Speaker BIt took me a while to answer.
Speaker BYou know, to serve my community, to represent women.
Speaker BWomen like me.
Speaker BTo be one of the good ones.
Speaker BShe asked if the assault changed that.
Speaker BIt didn't.
Speaker BMartin.
Speaker BHe took a lot, but not that.
Speaker AThat's vision.
Speaker ADomain starting to reconstruct.
Speaker ANot the same vision she'd had as an idealistic recruit.
Speaker AThat version of her was gone.
Speaker ABut a new vision.
Speaker ASomeone who survived you, stayed.
Speaker AYou could help other officers avoid what she went through.
Speaker A18 months of intensive therapy, weekly sessions.
Speaker AEMDR.
Speaker ACognitive processing skills for managing triggers, building healthy boundaries solely.
Speaker AJess started functioning better.
Speaker ASleeping six hours most nights, working out regularly.
Speaker ALost the panic attacks.
Speaker ANot completely gone, but manageable.
Speaker ACould ride with male officers without her body betraying her.
Speaker AShe still had setbacks.
Speaker AMonth six, she almost quit therapy.
Speaker ATold her therapist it wasn't working.
Speaker ATook two weeks off Came back.
Speaker ARecovery isn't a straight line.
Speaker AJess was functional.
Speaker BI never gonna be like the person I was before the assault.
Speaker BThat Jess, she's totally gone.
Speaker BI'm someone different now.
Speaker BYou know, I've, like, integrated what happened, but I haven't moved past it.
Speaker BI mean, I don't know if you ever really move past something like that.
Speaker AAbout two years after the assault, Jess started thinking about preventing other officers from experiencing what she went through.
Speaker AThe department had policies about harassment, about assault, about reporting procedures.
Speaker ABut policies on paper don't mean anything if officers don't trust the system enough to use them.
Speaker AJess knew what was missing.
Speaker ASomeone who'd been through it.
Speaker ASomeone who could tell assault survivors, I reported and I survived.
Speaker ASomeone who could help navigate the investigation process, connect officers with resources, advocate within the system.
Speaker AShe drafted a proposal for a new position.
Speaker ASexual Harassment and Assault Response Liaison.
Speaker BCharles, the brass, they totally didn't love it at first.
Speaker BLike, they were all worried about liability and opening up the department to more complaints and, you know, optics.
Speaker BBut I just kept pushing and, like, I got support from a few supervisors who totally got it.
Speaker BSo eventually they actually agreed to pilot the program.
Speaker AThat position didn't exist before Jess.
Speaker AShe created it from trauma.
Speaker AThat's vision domain, fully reconstructed.
Speaker ANot her original purpose, but something more powerful.
Speaker AShe turned being a victim into being an advocate.
Speaker AThe Charles position isn't just responding to complaints.
Speaker AIt's early intervention.
Speaker ATraining officers on recognizing harassment, building trust so people feel safe reporting, ensuring survivors aren't isolated the way Jess was.
Speaker AIt's everything Jess needed and didn't have.
Speaker BWhen I meet with an officer who's been assaulted or harassed, I tell them my story.
Speaker BNot all the details, just enough so they know I've been there.
Speaker BAnd I tell them, like, you have options.
Speaker BYou have support, and whatever you decide, I've got your back.
Speaker AThat's collaboration.
Speaker ADomain in action, but in a way that respects her boundaries.
Speaker AShe's building trust, connecting with survivors, creating community.
Speaker ABut she's doing it strategically, in a role that protects her while helping others.
Speaker AShe's not everyone's friend, doesn't need to be.
Speaker ABut she's the officer that assault survivors can trust.
Speaker AThat matters two years out.
Speaker ALet's be honest about where Jess is today.
Speaker AShe's functional.
Speaker AShe's effective.
Speaker AShe's created systemic change.
Speaker AShe's helping other officers.
Speaker AShe's also still dealing with PTSD symptoms still triggered sometimes.
Speaker AStill has hard months, especially around the anniversary.
Speaker AStill doesn't fully trust male authority figures in the department.
Speaker BNovember, it's just rough you know, every single year.
Speaker BI mean, that's when it all happened.
Speaker BAnd I know it's coming.
Speaker BLike, I totally prepare.
Speaker BTherapy appointments are super consistent.
Speaker BI give my partner a heads up that I might be a little difficult to be around.
Speaker BAnd I try to take care of myself as best I can, but honestly, it still hits me so hard.
Speaker AThat's realistic recovery.
Speaker AThe trauma doesn't disappear.
Speaker AYou learn to manage it.
Speaker AHer relationship with her partner, another advocate from a different organization, someone who understands trauma work helps.
Speaker AThey both deal with vicarious trauma from their jobs.
Speaker AThey get it.
Speaker ABut even that relationship requires work.
Speaker ATrust is hard when your trust has been weaponized.
Speaker ATenacity, persistence in the face of difficulty is Jess strongest resilience domain.
Speaker AShe refused to quit when quitting would have been easier.
Speaker AStayed in law enforcement when leaving would have been justified.
Speaker ACreated a new role when the old system failed her.
Speaker AThat tenacity didn't prevent the trauma, but it allowed her to survive it and turn it into something useful.
Speaker AResilience first aid connects to Jess's story here.
Speaker ARFA trains officers to recognize when a colleague's resilience domains are declining and intervene early with practical support.
Speaker AIt's peer based, not clinical.
Speaker AIt's about catching someone before they fall apart completely.
Speaker AIf Jess's classmates had been RFA trained, they might have recognized what was happening during the investigation.
Speaker AThey would have seen vision declining.
Speaker AStop talking about her future.
Speaker ACollaboration, breaking, isolating, not responding to texts.
Speaker AComposure, struggling, emotional volatility, panic responses, health, deteriorating, weight loss, exhaustion, not working out.
Speaker AInstead of avoiding her, RFA trained officers would have known how to offer support.
Speaker ASimple, direct, practical.
Speaker AI see you're struggling.
Speaker AWant to grub?
Speaker ACoffee?
Speaker AI'm hitting the gym.
Speaker ACome with me.
Speaker AYou did the right thing.
Speaker AThat's not therapy.
Speaker AThat's peer support targeting specific resilience domains.
Speaker AJustice Charles Rol now incorporates RFA principles when she works with assault survivors.
Speaker AShe's watching for those domain decline markers, offering practical interventions before people reach crisis.
Speaker BI can't, like, fix what happened to me, but, you know, I can totally make sure the next officer who goes through this has, like, the support I totally didn't have.
Speaker BYeah, that's what keeps me going.
Speaker AJessica Ramirez is 27 years old, five years into a law enforcement career that almost ended before it began.
Speaker AShe's a patrol officer.
Speaker AShe's a sexual harassment and assault response liaison.
Speaker AShe's a survivor.
Speaker AShe's an advocate.
Speaker AAnd she's angry, rightfully so.
Speaker BI'm angry at Derek Martin for what he did, Angry at the officers who Isolated me instead of supporting me.
Speaker BAngry at a system that makes reporting so hard.
Speaker BMost people choose silence and like angry that I had to create my own position because the department didn't think this was a priority until I forced them to.
Speaker BBut I'm also hopeful.
Speaker BThings are changing slowly.
Speaker BThe Charles position exists so other survivors have a resource I didn't have.
Speaker BWe're having these conversations.
Speaker BThe silence is breaking.
Speaker BI don't tell my story to get sympathy.
Speaker BI tell it so other officers know they're not alone.
Speaker BSo they know reporting is possible.
Speaker BStaying is possible.
Speaker BTurning trauma into purpose is possible.
Speaker AJess's story shows us how resilience actually works.
Speaker AThe PR6 model gives us a framework to understand what happened and how she recovered.
Speaker AIt's not a checklist.
Speaker AIt's a map of interconnected systems that all influence each other.
Speaker AWhen health failed, sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, no exercise, it cascaded into every other domain.
Speaker AComposure suffered because her brain couldn't regulate itself without adequate rest.
Speaker ACollaboration broke down because trauma and exhaustion made trust impossible.
Speaker AVision disappeared because her hippocampus couldn't.
Speaker AImagine positive futures.
Speaker ARecovery happened in reverse.
Speaker AWhen she started sleeping, better therapy helped.
Speaker AWith nightmares, health stabilized.
Speaker ABetter health meant better composure.
Speaker AShe could manage emotions again.
Speaker ABetter composure meant she could start rebuilding collaboration.
Speaker ATrusting select individuals strategically and rebuilding vision.
Speaker ACreating the Sharl position gave her a sense of purpose that sustains her through hard days.
Speaker ATenacity was the constant.
Speaker AShe never stopped showing up.
Speaker AThat persistence didn't prevent the struggle, but it allowed her to outlast it.
Speaker AThree things matter from Jess's story.
Speaker AIf you've been assaulted or harassed, reporting doesn't make you a traitor.
Speaker AStaying doesn't make you weak.
Speaker AYour anger is valid, your trauma is real, and resources exist, including officers like Jess who've been there and will believe you.
Speaker AIf you're a peer of someone who reports, your silence hurts, your support matters.
Speaker AYou don't have to be a hero.
Speaker AJust don't be part of the problem.
Speaker AShow up, say I believe you.
Speaker AThat's resilience.
Speaker AFirst aid in action.
Speaker AIf you're in leadership policies aren't enough.
Speaker AAssault survivors need advocates within the system.
Speaker AConsider creating positions like Charles.
Speaker ATrain your officers on rfa.
Speaker AMake it safe to report.
Speaker AAnd for God's sake, hold predators accountable before they destroy multiple careers.
Speaker AJessica Ramirez earned her badge twice.
Speaker AOnce when she graduated academy despite everything trying to stop her.
Speaker AAnd again when she refused to let trauma define her career.
Speaker AShe's still a cop, still serving, still fighting.
Speaker AAnd she's making sure the next officer who needs help has a path she had to create herself.
Speaker AReporting sexual assault or harassment is your choice.
Speaker ANo one can make that decision for you.
Speaker ABut if you choose to report, know that you're not alone and that officers like Jess exist who will fight for you.
Speaker AThis episode was developed and narrated by me, Michael Simpkins.
Speaker AFor transcripts, resources and more stories of law enforcement resilience, visit our website@policespear.org take care of each other out there.
Speaker AIf this conversation landed, take the next step.
Speaker AGo to the Show Notes and complete the 5 minute PR6 assessment.
Speaker AYou'll see your current resilience baseline across six domains.
Speaker AWhere you're strong, where you're vulnerable.
Speaker AIt's the same tool we use in RFA certification.
Speaker AWant to be on the podcast?
Speaker AWe're looking for officers who've managed accumulated exposure and figured out what actually works.
Speaker ANot clean recovery store stories.
Speaker AWe need the setbacks, the plateaus, the tools that failed and the ones that stuck.
Speaker AHit the link in the Show Notes, fill out the form.
Speaker AWe keep it confidential and work with you on how your story gets told.
Speaker AYou can also join the Police Beat Community officers having these conversations every day, not just when the podcast drops links in the Show Notes.
Speaker AThanks for listening.
Speaker ASee you next week.
Speaker ASam.

